Our kids can seem like little puzzles. There is always something to discover about them, adding pieces to the puzzle of who they are and who they may become. Sometimes, as an adoptive parent, I feel like I’m working on my puzzle without knowing what image I am aiming for. You know what I mean, right? The “answer key” of the puzzle–the picture that shows what you get when you’re all done.
It’s so nice when you have the puzzle box right there in front of you, and you prop it up on the side of the table while you work on your puzzle so you know what image you’re working towards. That is a helpful thing to have, that box.
But what if all we have is a bunch of pieces?
That complicates things a little. Ok…a lot.
We think we have all of the pieces. But can we be sure? We see lots of colors, perhaps some lines and squiggles, and maybe even get a few clues of what we think the picture will turn out to be. But truly all we can do is make a best guess. We have no image to look at, so we just take it piece by piece and try to do the best we can to figure it out as we go.
I often feel like I am working with a pile of pieces, trying to “figure my kids out.” Like I need to put the pieces together to find some answers. This is true of all of my kids, biological or not. But particularly as an adoptive parent, I struggle here. Not having all of the pieces of a child’s past–what they may be biologically predisposed to; how their brain was formed prenatally; what their life was like before they came to us; possible genetic personality traits–really tempts me to try to figure it all out on my own. But truly, when I try to figure it out on my own, not knowing what I am looking for or aiming at, I find myself with less answers and more questions. It’s these times that I need the reminder that I am looking at it all wrong.
The thing is, it doesn’t really matter what we start with. In terms of our “puzzle,” whether we start with all of the pieces in the box, complete with a picture on it, or whether we have a pile of pieces whose composition is a mystery, we are all working toward the same goal. It’s not what we start with or even what we have to work with; it’s what we are striving toward.
I need to remember to look up from the puzzle–the toil of cracking “the code” that is my children. Take my eyes off of all of the little things in the muddle of mothering these little ones that God has so graciously brought to me. Even the really challenging parts that make my head spin. Yes it is hard, but it is not impossible. When tempted to despair over not being able to figure out the puzzle, I need to fight to take my eyes off of the struggle. Look to Jesus.
Look. To. Jesus.
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. (Colossians 1:15-20)
In Him all things hold together. In everything, He is preeminent. What an image to behold!
This is such good news for us as parents. We can take our eyes off of the puzzling nature of what we have before us, stop looking inward for the ability to figure it all out, and look instead to the Creator God who made our children, our precious blessings. Our children are not a puzzle to God. Where we may see a lot of pieces, He sees the big picture. He knows every piece and part of them, and we can rest in Him to provide us with His sustaining grace and wisdom in parenting His created ones.
When we remember that He is the one who holds all things together; that all things were created through Him and for Him; when we keep our eyes fixed on the Lord with an eternal perspective, we are looking in the right direction. He is the image we must look toward. We need not figure it out on our own. The Lord will give us what we need to complete our puzzle, to parent our children for His glory.
“He [Jesus] is like the missing piece in a puzzle — the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.” – Sally Lloyd-Jones in The Jesus Storybook Bible
