I recently took a month-long break from all social media. Well, it was 26 days to be exact. This was the the longest I’ve “fasted” from social media in over ten years. Basically since I first owned a smartphone.

I had begun to realize, more and more over the course of the past year, how the constant barrage of information, news, and other peoples’ personal lives was affecting me. I began to notice an association between my social media usage and my distractibility and attention deficit. I began to notice the effect it seemed to have on my mood and how I interacted in my “real life” interpersonal relationships. I didn’t like what I was seeing, but was finding it hard to figure out how to proceed.

Should I quit cold turkey and just never use it again? But it does have a benefit, right? Could I figure out a way to use it that maximizes its benefit, without the annoying negative effects? Is there even a benefit? What really are the benefits? What in particular are the annoying negative effects and how can I prevent them? So many questions.

So, I developed a plan. I decided the day before Election Day that I would give it up for the rest of the month–until December 1. I determined to take the rest of the month of November to see what I could learn about how my priorities, my productivity, my general attitude, and my social media usage interact. Like a little experiment of sorts. The rule was simple. No checking social media. For any reason. At all. For me, that really just means Facebook, because I am not on Twitter, Instagram, or any of the other sites. So there you have it. No Facebook for the rest of the month.

Today is December 4. I’m happy to say that I accomplished my goal. I did not check Facebook for the whole remainder of November.

I learned a lot. And as I add social media back into my life, I hope to be responsible and intentional, counting the cost of when and how I choose to use this tool. Because it is a tool. I want to use it the right way, not letting it have a higher place or priority than it deserves.

So, in a practical sense, here’s “how it went” for me:

I was insanely productive.

My house was cleaner. My meals were better-planned. My freezer was more fully stocked. I baked. I listened to podcasts. I read books. My homeschool was more focused. I honestly felt like I hadn’t been that productive since before we had kids. When I’m not on Facebook, I can use my time to do (LOTS of) other things. What other things might be more valuable to do with my time?

I had better focus.

This is likely one reason that I was so much more productive than usual. I was more present, because I was not distracted. I mean this in the obvious sense of not being distracted by scrolling through my news feed. But also in the less obvious sense of not being distracted by thinking about all of the issues that bombard me when I am on social media.

Facebook presents us with so much information. I often find myself thinking about someone else’s problem and trying to solve it. Or internally getting upset about an argument I saw other people having on a comment thread. This distraction is less visible, but, at least to me, much more damaging to my ability to focus. What is my consumption limit, and how do I make sure I do not cross it?

I was less irritable.

When there were less opportunities to be interrupted, there were less interruptions. Funny how that works. When I put my attention where it should be, there is so much less to be frustrated about. Priorities!!

I missed some things.

Actually I missed a lot of things. I realized more and more each day that I have been getting most of my news from Facebook. For better or worse, it’s a fact. I don’t listen to the radio in the car; I don’t watch the news on TV; I don’t check news sites; I don’t get the newspaper. So truly, if I don’t see it on Facebook or someone doesn’t specifically tell me, I don’t know it.

I found myself struggling with a little bit of FOMO. This only really happened when I found out some bit of news after the fact. I felt like I had missed out on knowing it sooner. So I guess it was more RTIMO (Regret That I Missed Out). This happened quite a few times. Quite a bit happened nationally in November, and I didn’t necessarily enjoy the feeling of ignorance that came over me when someone mentioned a national tragedy or natural disaster that I was unaware of.

But I did eventually find out. And really, the gap was only about a week, at most. So, going forward, I need to decide what level of discomfort I am comfortable with. When it comes to news, what do I really need to know? And when do I really need to know it?

I lost some opportunities.

What I found most difficult was the more immediate and local news and needs that I missed out on. Prayer requests. Needs shared in groups of friends that I could not help meet because I didn’t know about them. I found out about these all on December 1 when I logged in. Things had happened in the lives of my friends, and I didn’t help, because I didn’t know. This was hard to swallow.

I really want to find the balance. I want to be able to support those that I care about in ways that they need. But I also don’t want to waste my time and brain space with the other stuff–the memes; the complaining; the arguing; the fake news; and even the real news that I really just don’t need to consume. How can I avoid overwhelming consumption of social media, but still be able to serve and help meet the needs of those around me?

I meditated on Scripture.

This leads me to the verse that has been rattling around in my head for the past month. This sums up the results of my experiment pretty concisely.

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Going forward, that is the lens I want to run things through. Does this particular (whatever it may be) usage of social media bring glory to God? If my actions are not done in a spirit of bringing glory to God, then in what spirit are they done? Are they self-serving? Are they feeding my flesh? Are they causing quarrels? Are they spreading false information? Are they causing my brothers and sisters to stumble? Scripture is clear. I should do all to the glory of God. This includes what I read, do, and say on social media.

I am so encouraged that God’s Word is living and active and speaks to the issues of our hearts always. Here’s where I can find the balance! I can ask God for wisdom and eyes to filter my social media usage through the lens of whether or not my purpose is for the glory of God. Honoring Him; serving others in His name; lifting others up in prayer; bringing hope to those around me with the good news of the gospel.

I hope my little social experiment and some of its findings have encouraged you. Perhaps you would like to do something similar, to find out for yourself how these things affect you. My prayer, as I move forward in using this tool to work for me (not the other way around!), is that we would not just blindly do what we do “just because,” but that we would all be intentional about how and why we do it. And that it would be, “all to the glory of God.”

Not surprisingly, it’s been a while since my last post. What can I say? Life got in the way. And this post will be off-topic of the main purpose of my blog. It’s not about adoption or mom-ing in “the muddle.” But I felt compelled to process through some emotions, and this seems like a good place to do it. So you are along for the ride.

It goes without saying that yesterday was a significant day of remembrance in our country and our world. Except it apparently did need to go “with saying” for me. I guess I blocked it out of my memory or something, because I made it until the opening prayer at my son’s cross country meet at 4:15pm before I really noticed. “Let’s have a moment of silence for September 11, 2001.” Yes. Let’s…

I felt like such an insensitive and self-centered dummy that I made it through my entire day–wake up, quiet time, morning routine, CC Community Day, resting time, and cross country meet prep–without a second thought to what day it was. Of course I knew the date. It rang in my head. “Oh, it’s 9/11.” But I confess that I quickly brushed it off. No time to feel right now; maybe later. A privilege that thousands of people do not have on this day or any other day for that matter. Thousands of lives and a previous way of life that is lost forever. Forgive me for my callousness.

But today, I am feeling.

Grief is a weird animal. And though I don’t have any specific people to grieve on this day, I do still grieve this day. I grieve all of it. As I’m sure you do. Every year, it presents itself differently. This year, I apparently tried to stuff it. But we all know that never works.

Today, it is hitting me.

My eight year old asked me this morning what the date was yesterday. He wanted to write it on his race bib as a memento. “September 11,” I said, realizing again that it really was “that day” yesterday. “Oh wow! Like September 11, 2001…” He said slowly. He knows. He knows the significance of the date. He knows because we have taught him. Yet, he doesn’t experience it the way we do–those of us who lived through it. The weight of it hit me, and as he scurried off to record the date as planned, I stood at the sink and remembered. I couldn’t stop remembering, and I didn’t want to stop remembering. I never want to stop remembering.

I want to remember what happened. Where I was. How I felt. I wish I could know and remember every name. It was a horrible day that changed so much of life as we all knew it. It was unthinkable. But now, the effects of that day have become a part of every day life, and we perhaps think about it daily without really even acknowledging it. The post-9/11 life is “normal” life now.

But I also want to remember what it was like before. In thinking this morning, I was taken aback that it has been 17 years since the attack. I was 17 on the day of the attack. So, this year marks the point where the “after” has been as long as it was “before.”

A friend of mine reflected today that our generation has a unique way of thinking of the span of our lives as “before 9/11” and “after 9/11.” We were old enough then to remember very clearly what life was like “before.”  And we vividly remember the day. But our entire adult lives have been in the “after.” From here on out, I will know the majority of my life as “after,” which is a weird feeling. I think it feels so weird because I still remember the “before.” My children, who have only ever known life as it is now–with 9/11 as a historical event that they can only read about–don’t have this as a defining event in their world in the same way that it is a defining event for the rest of us.

So much has happened in life since September 11, 2001. But on days like yesterday and today, it seems like it just happened. I know we all have our own experiences of where we were and what we were doing. And the emotions of that day are almost palpable. As I work through the emotions of today and continue to process, I think back to the uncertainty and fear we all felt on that day. And I thank God for being the true Solid Rock on which we stand. He is unchanging and unshakable. I think of Psalm 91 and the hope that it gives.

As you read, I pray that these will be words of Life to you. That they will bring comfort to your grieving and remembering. And hope to your future, which may be uncertain to you but is secure in the shelter of the Most High God. Yes, we must always remember. But may we hold fast to Him in love, and rest in His protective hand for all of our days to come.

Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”