Why Adoption? – part three

Hi again! This is the third and final part of a little mini-series I am doing.
You can read part one here.
You can read part two here.

So last time I shared some of what Scripture says about adoption and how God loves adoption! He created it! Of course, I am talking about God’s adoption of us as His children. That is a completely different kind of adoption than the human kind of adoption. Human adoption is limited to human things. But we can draw parallels and use Biblical adoption as a way of informing our perspective on human adoption and caring for the orphan. The Bible does talk about that, too! And that’s what I’m going to talk about in this post.

While I was preparing my message for the Moms’ group that I mentioned in my first post, Ryan shared with me a phrase that he did not come up with, but neither of us can find its original source. So I’m just going to say that this is really good, and if you know who said it, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due! Anyhow, the phrase is: “orthodoxy empowers orthopraxy.” What this means is that, “right thought, or right doctrine, empowers right action.” I love this. It makes so much sense. When we think rightly about something, it drives us to act on that truth in a “right” way.

By God’s nature of loving adoption, God cares for orphans (orphans being those who are in need of adoption). So if God loves us orphans of wrath enough to save us and adopt us as His own, what does that mean for us?? If our orthodoxy is to love adoption, what is our “orthopraxy?”

Scripture has an answer for us!

James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

James 1:27 says that our “religion”, which is another way to say our “action” or “what we do“ because we have been adopted, loved, saved—is to “care for orphans and widows in their affliction.” We must care because He has first cared for us. For those of us who are Christians, that should be our answer to the overarching question I have asked. Why adoption? Because God loves adoption.

God loves the orphan, therefore I love the orphan.

Ok, so if God calls His adopted children to love adoption and care for orphans, how can we do this? Glad you asked. I am a practical kind of girl. Give me ideas. I need ideas! So here are some ideas for all of us …

  • ADOPT A CHILD. You can adopt a child domestically (from the United States); you can adopt Internationally (from a different country); you can adopt from foster care (also from the United States, but is different than straight-up adoption). Does this mean that everyone has to adopt? NO!!! Obviously you have to be sure that that God is leading you in this. It will literally change your life forever. That’s what having children does, right? This is the most obvious way to care for orphans, but it is not the only way.
  • BECOME A FOSTER PARENT. Care for a child whose parents are unable to give them the care they need, either for a time while the family is rehabilitated, or forever if reunification is not possible. No matter where you live in the US, there are thousands of children in every state that need a loving home either temporarily or permanently.
  • SERVE FOSTER AND ADOPTIVE FAMILIES. The ideas here are endless. You can serve these families …

… financially. Give to an adoption. Adoption is expensive. There are lots of reasons for this, and they are valid reasons, so I am not going to debate adoption costs here. But the truth is just that it is expensive. Like a lot expensive.
Give gift cards to families with kids in foster care. Caring for kids who have unforseen needs is expensive, too! Having a child or a sibling group of children show up at your door one day adds a whole host of expenses to the monthly budget. Yes, as foster parents we need to be prepared for that increase in expense. But the little things add up. It is a service to families like this when their community blesses them with gift cards. It says, “I care about you and your children.”
I would also lump supporting overseas missionaries and orphan-care ministries into this camp. Giving financial support to help care for orphans can happen many ways, whether in your neighborhood, your church, or half-way around the world. These are all good things. But I don’t want us to look overseas to the detriment of the orphans in our own communities. So that’s why I am focusing more on the “at home” aspect of things.

… by giving things. Clothes? Beds? What do they need? It’s nice to ask what things may be needed.

… with encouragement. Emotional support is key! Encourage families in the truth. Share God’s Word with them to uplift their souls. Send a note. Be a cheerleader!

… with respite care. Take the kids for a bit. It can be tiring to care for a high-need child! Many of you know this! Adoptive families need a strong support system to thrive. Be part of that support system for a family.

… by feeding them.  Bring dinner! We bring food for families who have babies. Why should adding a foster or adopted child be any different? Bringing a child into your home disrupts the flow of family life. It is inconvenient But it is necessary, and some people are called to do that. You can ease the short-term burden for them even a tiny bit by taking care of a meal. Love those kids and families by loving their tummies!

… by praying for them! Of course this is the most valuable, most important way to serve adoptive families, foster families, and the orphan. The Bible is full of testimonies to the power of prayer. God answers prayer! I know for me personally, I find such comfort in knowing that we have friends and family that are praying for our family and our children.

If you are not called to adopt a child yourself, then love the orphan by loving those who choose to parent them. Support the family in any way you can.

No matter which way you choose to care for the orphan, it will be hard. When you care about adoption and enter in to the orphan’s affliction, it will get messy. It cost God His son to redeem us and bring us into His family. But this is a job that we are called to by God in Scripture. It’s really not optional. God loves the orphan, therefore we are to love the orphan.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and any other ways to effectively care for the orphan!

Why Adoption? – part two

This is part two of a little mini-series I am doing. You can read part one here.

Just a quick re-cap. Last time I talked about why adoption should matter to all of us. In short, it is because adoption matters to God! And the Bible talks about why adoption matters to God. I promised I would try my best to expand on that a little bit. for your encouragement and my own.

So. I’ve said that we can know that adoption matters to God because God, in His word, speaks to us about adoption. He is the loving heavenly Father who has adopted His children unto Himself! This is a foundational theological truth.

I am not talking about human adoption here. I am talking about God’s adoption of those who are saved. We know that those whom God has saved have been adopted as His children. He has called them, chosen them, made them His children, by no work or merit of their own. This language of being adopted as God’s children comes from Ephesians 1.

Ephesians 1:3-6
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

God purposed, through his grace, to adopt us! This is amazing. He predestined us for adoption to himself as sons (and daughters). This is a really mind-blowing thing to think about; that the God of the universe calls us His children!

And in Romans 8…

Romans 8:14-17
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Are you one who is led by the Spirit? Are you a Christian–one who is predestined, called, justified, and (will be) glorified (as in Romans 8:30)?? Then guess what?? You are an heir! With Christ! Sons and daughters of the King! And the Spirit bears witness to this fact. That means that no one can argue with it. It is truly amazing.

God’s heart for adoption shows his love for us.

1 John 3:1
See what kind of love the Father has given to us that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

God calls us His children! This is adoption! Furthermore, …

Psalm 68:5
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation.

This is how God is. He is the Father of the fatherless. And “the fatherless” was how we all were prior to salvation, right? When God saves us, we become Children of God! We become Children of Truth and Goodness and Love! That is adoption.

In my next post, I hope to touch on some of the applications for us that come out of this love for adoption. I’d love to know your thoughts on God’s adoption of us as His children!

Why Adoption? – part one

Last November, I was asked to speak at a Moms’ group in my city on the topic of “adoption.” This was very appropriate, because the month of November is Adoption Awareness Month. We didn’t plan for my talk and Adoption Awareness Month to coincide, but I know God planned it that way 😉 It was a privilege and honor for me to share my heart for adoption with my peers and friends.

Ryan and I are approached quite often about the topic of adoption. We have what one of our fellow-adoptive-family-friends calls a “conspicuous family.” People notice us. We look different than the average family. And it’s pretty obvious that we are raising at least one child that was not born of our flesh. But sometimes my thoughts can be jumbled.

So, when I was asked to speak at the Moms’ group, it was really nice for me to have the opportunity to sit down and mull over some of my thoughts on adoption. I’ve taken some of what I said and re-formatted it for a blog post, because I thought it might be encouraging or helpful to some of you who may not have been there that day. However, my little “talk” was longer than a typical blog post would be, and I have had to split it up for this platform. I don’t want any of you to fall asleep on me! So this will be in three parts. It will be my very own mini-series that I plan to start and finish this week.

*Here is a little plug for my email list — if you are not currently a subscriber, but would like to be, feel free to scroll down to the bottom of the page, and enter your email address. That way you won’t miss the second and third parts of this series! But after you scroll down to subscribe, be sure to scroll back up so you can read the rest of the post!! You can do that now. I’ll wait!*

So, I assume that most of you who are reading this know me in “real life.” But because this is my blog and I can do what I want, and I love my family, I’m going to talk about them for a minute. So there are five of us. My husband Ryan,   me, and our three children. Our son is our biological child. If you know us, this is not a surprise because he looks just like a mini-Ryan. He was born in 2009. We have two daughters, both of whom we adopted. Our middle little (born in 2013), came to us at the age of 3 months as a foster child. We adopted her in 2015 just two weeks after her second birthday. Our youngest was born in 2016. We adopted her at birth through a domestic infant agency adoption. So we have three very different children with three very different stories. All three are wonderful, beautiful miracles, and we love to talk about them because they are awesome.

We are an adoptive family. And I love talking about adoption because I live in that sphere daily. But why does that matter to you? What’s the big deal about adoption? Why have a blog centered around it and the families it touches? Why have a month devoted to its awareness? Why do I love to talk about adoption and advocate for adoptive families? Why does adoption matter to me?? And why should it matter to you??

The world’s perspective of adoption, and what I thought at first glance, is that it is a special or unique way to build a family. Those who are unable to naturally conceive a child can grow their family through adoption! This is of course true. But it’s only part of the story. I think many people have the wrong perspective about adoption. Adoption is so much more than a way for people to become parents.

Adoption matters, and should matter, to all of us, because adoption matters to God.

We know that adoption matters to God because God, in His word, speaks to us about adoption. He is the loving heavenly Father who has adopted His children unto Himself! This is a foundational theological truth.

I’ll do my best to unpack just a little of what the Bible says about God and adoption in part two of this post. I look forward to “seeing” you here again soon, later this week!

My heart. The need. My aim. My plan.

It’s no secret that I love adoption. Orphan care is near and dear to me. I will champion the cause of adoption all the live long day.

But it’s also no secret (at least to those of us who live in adoption), that adoption is messy. And beautiful. And wonderful. And so hard. And so worth it.

I could speak here about the doctrine of adoption, God’s longsuffering with us, His Father-love for us as his children, grafted in by the blood of Jesus. But I think I will reserve that for another day and another post. It deserves its own spotlight, and has so much to teach us about our Good, Good Father.

But right now, I am talking about human adoption. Taking a child who was not born to you and bringing them into your family as though they were born to you. It is a miracle. The ability to do this is truly a work of God.

How I am able to love another woman’s child just as I love my own blood is a beautiful, messy miracle. And I do it with joy, not by my own will-power, but by the supernatural work of God’s strength and love in me.

For years now, I have felt a deep need for Biblical encouragement for moms like me. “Moms in the muddle.” In the trenches of adoption-life. This road has unique challenges that few can understand without being in it yourself. Our kids come from uniquely hard places. Which is why my heart is to encourage moms like me. Because I know I need it, too!!

The problem I’ve found, though, is that many of the resources geared toward parenting are either just not quite on the mark for parents of “kids from hard places” OR they are devoid of Biblical truth. I appreciate good strategies for parenting adopted kids. And I appreciate Biblically sound parenting books. I’ve read several great ones, and profited from many.

But why can’t we marry the two? We believe that the Bible is true. And 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” So why separate things? We need good, Biblical resources that help us to counsel our own hearts and parent our kids (specifically our adopted or foster kids) better.

There is something to be said for having someone who “gets it” speaking into your life with practical, Biblical truth. We all–and I am speaking to myself here!–need to be reminded daily of how the word of God informs our lives and parenting. How Christ is sufficient for our specific challenges and difficulties.

So my heart is for moms like me. And I guess I could say my aim is to speak to myself (and anyone else who will listen) with the truth of the Gospel and how it can practically inform our everyday struggles, especially as adoptive parents. God’s word can and will equip us as parents to, by God’s Grace, meet the unique needs of our unique children.

My mind and heart have been on this issue for years now. I’ve thought countless times about how I could approach this in a helpful way, and not seem like I’m floundering in a sea of not knowing how to say what I want to say. So I’ve continued to wait until the time was right and the plan was clear.

A few weeks ago, I asked Ryan, “Do you think I should start a blog?” Being the ever-encouraging husband that he is, without missing a beat he replied, “Absolutely, yes!” With such a loving vote of confidence, how could I refuse? 🙂 But I had no idea what to write about, and wanted a clear topic and plan. So my next question for him was, “What should I write about?” And because he knows my heart so well, he immediately suggested I write from this perspective that I have been parked in for years now. He has helped me to develop this plan to express my heart for moms like me with my aim of Biblical encouragement in mind. He is a very patient, very good man.

Well there. I got it out. That is my heart, my aim, my plan. If you are, like me, seeking refreshment from the Word for your weary mama-soul, while caring for children with needs that drive you to your knees out of love and desperation at the same time, then I hope you will come and see what God’s Word has for us. My perspective will be as a parent, and may often deal with issues that are specific to adoption and adoptive parenting. But no matter your circumstance, I pray that you may be encouraged; even if you are a parent of only biological children, a parent with adult children, or not a parent at all! The Gospel is good news to all of us at all times. Let’s rejoice in the truth of God’s word together!

The Gospel of Grace

I had the wonderful privilege of being with some sisters in Christ this weekend at a church women’s retreat. I was so blessed by this opportunity to spend some extra-focused time in God’s word. I particularly appreciated the speaker’s reminder to all of us of the gospel. I always appreciate hearing the gospel. I never tire of it. I need it every day. Every hour, really. It is so easy and human to forget the significance of what Christ has done on the cross. But it is crucial and central! We must not forget, lest we be led astray to a Christ-less gospel. May it never be!

So I am going to repeat it. For my sake and for yours.

I want to dwell for a minute on Ephesians 2. A few years ago, our family memorized this as part of Desiring God’s “Fighter Verses” program. It was life to me then. And it is life to me now, each time I read it or remember it.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

-Ephesians 2:1-10

I could go on and on. But I will stop there. This is so beautiful to me.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works… 

Ephesians 2:8-9 (emphasis mine)

Christ’s sacrifice is it. It is the reason we can live a life of freedom from the “performance trap” lie which tells us that we can earn eternal salvation. Do you trust in this truth?

I think a lot of times this is where we may be mislead. Have you been taught that salvation is Jesus’s work plus something? Like doing a better job of __{fill in the blank}__?

Do you find yourself thinking, “I know Christ died on the cross for me, and the Bible says His work is sufficient to save, but there is no way I will get into heaven unless I go to church more. Or read the Bible more. Or am 100% of the time the perfect mom.” If you feel that there is anything you can do to earn your salvation, you are believing a lie.

If there were things that we could do to be saved, we would be able to boast in ourselves. “Look at how I have earned this!” And God would not get the glory in that. The verbs pertaining to God are active. He does the things! We do not do the things. He gets the glory for all that He does! HE makes us alive with Christ. HE raises us up with Him. HE shows the immeasurable riches of His grace to us. We have the things done to us. We are passive.

Don’t believe the lie that you can do more than God has already done. It is an impossible trap. You will not find freedom. God makes us alive by His grace. When we trust in anything other than His grace to save us, we trust in a lie. God’s work is sufficient to save us. The gospel of grace is that it is just Jesus. He has already done all that needed to be done. There is nothing more that we can add to or take away from his atoning work on the cross.

This is the picture Christ gives us in the Gospel of Matthew of the yoke (Matthew 11:30). His yoke is easy. If our yoke is the burden of earning and working constantly to secure something which could be taken away and lost and ruined at any moment, that is a heavy, terrible yoke. Christ’s yoke is trusting in His grace. He has already carried the burden. Salvation is secure in Him, and His yoke is freedom from the lie that it all depends on us.

…and sweet will be the flower

For several years, I have had a yearning to write more often and in more focused ways. In an attempt to be gentle with myself, 2017 brought with it a goal to simply “write more.” That didn’t work. Granted, I had a bitty baby, so I will cut myself some slack.

Now 2018 has arrived, and I have decided to be a little less vague with my goal to “write more.” I thought choosing a topic and actually starting a platform might both encourage me and drive me to truly “write more.”

So here it is!

My title is a snippet from a hymn that we sing in church. It is an old hymn, written by William Cowper, that Sovereign Grace Music has revived. Since the words are public domain, I am including them for you here.

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

One of the more recent times I sat down to write was for a short article I wrote as a guest post on a friend’s blog. It was a few years ago already. I will share that again here soon after I reformat it for this website, as I think that blog is no longer online. Anyhow, I wrote on the topic of sanctification. I come back to that theme in my life many, many days. It’s something I think about often. While this hymn, titled, “God Moves in a Mysterious Way,” is much about how God’s ways are perfect and cannot be known (and that in itself is something to ponder at length!!), I love the little hint here in this line of His sanctifying work in us.

The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Sometimes He sanctifies us with sweetness. Many times, with pain. Circumstances may taste bitter, yet we have the beautiful hope that the sweet flower is coming. His refining fire works for our good and His glory.

My aim in writing here is to encourage myself and other moms who are, as I say, living life “in the muddle.” Life is messy, but let’s not try to to preoccupy ourselves with that. Not to dwell on the bitter tastes that we all may experience, but instead to see them as a means through which He changes us into His image, producing a sweet flower. We can have hope that He will complete His work in us.

More on the focus of my writing will come soon, but for now I just wanted to dip my toe in and hopefully encourage you with the words of this great hymn. See you soon!