February 28, 2020 marked ten years of life without my mom. At the age of 26, I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. I had a premature baby boy who was three months old at the time, but we had not yet even reached his due date (March 15). On that particular February 28 — 2010 — my son slept in his NICU bassinet in a hospital across town, while I sat by my mom’s side as she left this world.

Life has not been the same since.

But, the same God that sustained me through those days sustains me still today. His steadfast love reaches to the heavens, and His faithfulness to the clouds (Psalm 36:5). Those days were so long. So full of uncertainty. So packed with driving from one hospital to the other. Yet, the thing I remember most from those days is God’s abounding love and care for me and His peace reigning deep in my heart. He truly poured out His grace and mercy in that time to meet every need of my heart.

Psalm 36:7-9
How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

This year, as February dwindled on, and I waited for the 28th to come for now the tenth time since she’s been gone, God gave me peace anew. He gave me refuge in His strong and tender wings. In His lovingkindness, He allowed most of the often-gray February days to be full of unexpected sunshine instead. What a gift! He provided encouragement from friends and in His word. He provided patience. He provided peace.

Life has not been the same since she died. But God has been the same and has proven Himself faithful and steadfast in all things. The well of His mercy will never run dry.

Psalm 36:8-9
They feast on the abundance of your house,
and you give them drink from the river of your delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light do we see light.

My prayer as I move forward to the next decade of life without my mom here, as I continue to learn how to live this “normal” that is neither new, nor familiar, is that I will drink ever more deeply from the river of His delights. That I will know more and more each day that my loving, faithful, sheltering, redeeming God is the source of life and peace.

To God be the glory.