I’m trying to get more exercise. My body and my mind need it. But my body and my mind also really love to sleep. And I have a new soft, warm, fluffy comforter. It’s magical. The struggle is real.
This morning, I finally succeeded at prying myself out of bed at an hour early enough to allow time for me to drink my coffee, spend time in the Word (and read my current devotional book), and plod downstairs to the treadmill.
The treadmill had cobwebs on it.
Yikes. It’s been a while. Kind of like my blog.
Well, this morning, I swept the cobwebs off the treadmill, and got going. And now I will wipe the cobwebs off my blog and get going. Often, it’s easier for me to think about writing, and even get excited about my intentions to write. But I hit the proverbial “snooze” button instead. Just like with excercise, I just need to take the first step. I need to pry myself from the comfort of my thoughts and let my feet hit the floor.
Or let my fingers hit the keys. I think you get it.
Well, when I exercise, I like to listen to either a podcast or an audiobook. I like to engage my mind while I engage my body. Sometimes I like fluffy stuff with little concentration required. Other times I like heavy stuff where I really need to work at it. Today I chose a podcast including a message from a Gospel Coalition message on corporate prayer. It was a good mix of funny, (fluffy) and thoughtful (heavy).
I was struck by the reminder, about one-third of the way through John Owunchekwa’s message, that “because God doesn’t change, His past faithfulness is really a future promise.” God has been faithful. God is faithful. God will be faithful.
This immediately drew me to recall some Scripture that I meditate on often. I know I’ve even talked about it on my blog before. You can probably tell it’s a pillar in my mind and heart. I will risk beating the same drum again. Lamentations 3:
Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
Lamentations 3:19-24
We remember what God has brought us through. We remember His character. And we can see His faithfulness to provide His portion for us in the future. Praise God!
Prayer helps us in thinking through this. It allows us to recall God’s faithfulness. And when we ask in faith, we can trust His promises to be faithful in answering. We can hope in Him.
This year has been doozy. For kids with trauma–specifically in our context, adoption trauma–2020 has brought with it added layers. But just as for us, God has been faithful to our children. He cares for our children. We can have hope in His steadfast love and His faithfulness.
God’s provision and gentle faithfulness to our precious kids in their yesterdays stands as a promise for His faithfulness to them in their tomorrows. Weary parent, as you shepherd your little flock of hurting and anxious sheep, hope in Him! Great is His faithfulness!
If you would like to interact a bit, I would be edified to hear in the comments some ways in which God has been faithful to you in this season of all that “2020” encompasses to you.Praying for you all, friends.
February 28, 2020 marked ten years of life without my mom. At the age of 26, I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. I had a premature baby boy who was three months old at the time, but we had not yet even reached his due date (March 15). On that particular February 28 — 2010 — my son slept in his NICU bassinet in a hospital across town, while I sat by my mom’s side as she left this world.
Life has not been the same since.
But, the same God that sustained me through those days sustains me still today. His steadfast love reaches to the heavens, and His faithfulness to the clouds (Psalm 36:5). Those days were so long. So full of uncertainty. So packed with driving from one hospital to the other. Yet, the thing I remember most from those days is God’s abounding love and care for me and His peace reigning deep in my heart. He truly poured out His grace and mercy in that time to meet every need of my heart.
Psalm 36:7-9 How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
This year, as February dwindled on, and I waited for the 28th to come for now the tenth time since she’s been gone, God gave me peace anew. He gave me refuge in His strong and tender wings. In His lovingkindness, He allowed most of the often-gray February days to be full of unexpected sunshine instead. What a gift! He provided encouragement from friends and in His word. He provided patience. He provided peace.
Life has not been the same since she died. But God has been the same and has proven Himself faithful and steadfast in all things. The well of His mercy will never run dry.
Psalm 36:8-9 They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.
My prayer as I move forward to the next decade of life without my mom here, as I continue to learn how to live this “normal” that is neither new, nor familiar, is that I will drink ever more deeply from the river of His delights. That I will know more and more each day that my loving, faithful, sheltering, redeeming God is the source of life and peace.
To state the obvious, it has been a long while since I have published a post on here. That’s not for lack of trying. We have just had a remarkably busy year, and writing has taken a back-seat. I have many mangled drafts that may never see the public light of day. Time will tell…
But recently, I have been thinking and praying through some ideas, seeking direction on how to jump back in to the habit of writing. I felt like I needed some sort of a path, where the general direction of my steps was laid out for me. God led me to the “one anothers” of scripture. I was listening to a podcast from the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, called “Truth in Love.” This specific episode was discussing a new book written by Stuart Scott all about the “one anothers.”
The “one anothers” of scripture are a series of many passages which speak to how we, as Christians, should treat and live with one another. They are commands for interpersonal relationships, essentially directed to believers. Yet, I think it is appropriate to apply many of them to interpersonal relationships in general, as an extension of Jesus’ command to, “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).
As I was listening to Scott read through his list of “one anothers,” I was struck by how often I fail to apply these in parenting my children. While my children may or may not yet be truly saved believers in Christ, I see the value and necessity of loving my children as myself by applying many of these one another commands in how I relate to them. It was a convicting reminder, for sure.
So, I thought: what better way to process through this myself and counsel my own soul than to write my way through it? I knew it would be a helpful way for me to order my thoughts around how we can apply the “one another” commands in parenting, and even especially for those of us parenting adopted children.
Well that is my plan. This post is already getting a bit long, so I will stop here and begin my discussion of the “one anothers” in a future post. Let’s pray for one another (see what I did there?) as we think about these things, and continue the good work of parenting that the Lord has set before us.
I hear and see a lot of talk about “hope” in circles of parents of challenging children. By that I mean those kids of ours who add an extra layer of “figuring them out.” 😉 We talk about what hope(s) we have for our kids. What diagnoses or treatments or scientific discoveries we are hoping for. Hope for a small respite from the struggle of the muddle of life.
But what always strikes me with deep sadness is the discussion of wanting to even have something to hope for in the first place. The lack of hope that some people have. I weep with and for these friends. Feeling hopeless — feeling as though you are truly without any hope — is truly devastating. It is when I consider that depth of “hopelessness” that I am drawn to plead for God’s mercy to open the eyes of the hopeless. For hopelessness to be replaced by confidence in God’s goodness and grace. Because we do not have to live without hope!
As Christians, we have a True Reason to hope. Psalm 71 says, “For you, O Lord, are my hope.” The Psalmist exhorts himself to remember his Hope in Psalm 42, …
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42:5, repeated again in verse 11
For the better part of 2018, my kids and I were working through the New City Catechism. Actually, we are still going through it. I referenced this great resource in my Favorites of 2018 blog post. For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a catechism, I will cite the definition that came up on google when I typed in “catechism”:
a summary of the principles of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers, used for the instruction of Christians.
~google
A catechism like this one can be an amazing resource to teach our children the truths of God’s word in a concise and memorable way, giving them many tools to pull from their toolbox when confronted with the doubts and questions of life.
But as we instruct our children, there is a beautiful “side effect.” As most teachers know, when we instruct our students, we are instructing our own hearts as well. I have found these simple songs and sentences invaluable to counsel my own heart.
I bring up this catechism because of what it has done for my own soul in times of temptation toward hopelessness. The very first Question and Answer in the New City Catechism for children is so beautiful and comforting. It lays a foundation for our understanding of Hope.
Q: What is our only hope in life and death?
A: That we are not our own, but belong to God.
When I see discussion about hope, or the lack thereof, I think of the above question, in the form of this song. It comforts me. And it becomes the focus of my prayer for those who do not know the peace of God.
Our hope is that we are the Lord’s. This is our only hope. And it is enough. What could be more essential to the comfort of our souls in times of despair than remembering that we belong to the Creator who loves us deeply and holds our lives in His hands?
May we who are in the family of God be comforted with the peace that passes all understanding. This True Hope. May those who do not know this peace and assurance be made to see and understand!
When we are tempted to despair and feel hopeless, especially as it relates to parenting, teaching, training, disciplining, diagnosing, helping, and discipling our children, may we remember that we are the Lord’s. And what’s more, so are our precious children. When we stop seeing our children as being our own possessions, but as God’s possession, we can rest in His purposes for their lives.
We need not lose hope, because God is our Hope and we belong to Him.
[I will add a small footnote here. For a further discussion on the topic of “hope,” may I direct you to a sermon my dear husband preached this past December during Advent, titled, “Hold Fast to Hope”? I think you will be encouraged.]
I am a closet “end-of-the-year-favorite-things-list” lover. I read them all. So I thought it might be fun to do my own list of my favorite things from this year. This list is full of all sorts of “things” including places and what-have-you. If it is a noun, it can be on my list. My motivation is multifaceted. It is part journal for me to remember my favorite encounters of this year. Part list just because I love lists. And it is part recommendation list for those of you who may happen to be looking for suggestions in any of these areas. These are places we went, books and other media that I consumed, foods we really enjoyed. I think you would enjoy them, too! And, I hope you enjoy reading through the list 🙂
So, in no particular order, here is my list of Favorites of 2018. Appropriately, I have 18.
1. Hamilton
We made it!!
This was a special day-date for us back in April. We thoroughly enjoyed the show. We were able to get tickets in the fourth row directly from Ticketmaster (not inflated resale prices!), and it was so worth it to be so close!
View of the stage from our fourth row seats.
Here’s my tip to score awesome seats: stalk Ticketmaster for every day you know you could possibly go. They release tickets close to the day of the event. Check shows one to two weeks out for the best last-minute ticket release selection. Memorize this chart of what tickets to avoid. We got our tickets for around $50 each (plus fees, of course) about four days in advance of the show, and we were in the FOURTH ROW.
Hamilton!
2. Road Trip 2018 {RT2018}
Our family really likes to go places. And my husband is a teacher. So that gives us a nice chunk of time during the summers where we have a ton of flexibility in our schedule. It allows us to take some pretty epic family vacations.
Over the past several years, we’ve developed a penchant for taking road trips over the summer. I know not everyone enjoys taking long road trips with their kids in tow. That’s cool. But, we’ve found that it’s a really awesome way to make memories together. Ryan loves to drive, so he drives. And I mostly just love looking out the window. I always bring books to read, but I never end up reading them. I just love watching the landscape (except in South Dakota {RT2015} and Kansas {RT2017}. Those were boring…) Cramming five people into a hotel room sure makes for some funny stories once the frustration of sleep deprivation wears off 😉 And we are met with nothing but excitement from the kids regarding the whole road trip experience.
So we did take a big road trip in 2018. The trip as a whole, RT2018, is one item on my list of favorite things because it was awesome. This was our shortest road trip clocking in at fourteen days. But it was fourteen days of fun!
37+ hours and 2,200+ glorious miles of driving and driving and driving
This was a fun and educational trip. We had been studying American history in our homeschool during the 2017-2018 school year. So, we hit a ton of historical sites on our trip out East for RT2018. Our main destinations were Niagara Falls, New York City, Philadelphia, and Washington DC. It was a great time for sure!
3. Niagara Falls
Niagara Falls view from Canada
Our first stop of RT2018 makes the list as a favorite for sure. This place is truly breathtaking. Exceeded all expectations. The Canada-side is where it’s at, though (sorry, ‘Merica). We drove 10 hours straight here, and it was more than worth it. Words don’t really do it justice, so I won’t even try.
4. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dare I say this may have been my favorite place of 2018. Another standout from RT2018, Philadelphia was so. much. fun. So welcoming. We truly felt the brotherly love here. I have so many things I loved about Philly.
We got to go to church with and hang out with our good friends who live here. I think that made it extra special.
Our hotel was practically perfect, and more than we could have ever imagined. It was so comfortable, spacious, and had a prime location. Steps outside our hotel was a boardwalk and an urban park with life sized games. Legos! Connect Four! Hammocks! It was truly awesome.
Rittenhouse Square was delightful. The cobblestone streets were charming (though our van didn’t love them as much as I did). The Rocky steps. The LOVE statue. The historical sights were so interesting and humbling. Independence Hall. The Liberty Bell. Our nation has a rich history, and it was special to experience that with our kids.
If you have a chance to go to Philly any time soon, I would heartily recommend it and any of the following places and things! Here are some photos for you to enjoy.
We had the privilege of worshipping with friends here!
Max Brenner. There are tubes of liquid chocolate in this restaurant. Need I say more???
Rittenhouse Square. It was old and beautiful and bustling. And my kids are adorable.
5. Hilton Honors Ascend American Express Card
Three cheers for HHonors points and complementary Gold Status with this credit card!! This is one of my favorite things of 2018 because the points paid for half of RT2018. Cowabunga!
I am not one to condone credit in the sense that you spend without knowing how you are going to pay for it! But, if you are in the market for a hotel points rewards credit card, this one is a great option. We are big fans of the Hilton family, and the HHonors program has been a blessing for us. This particular card does have an annual fee, which is equal to slightly less than a one-night hotel stay at a Hampton Inn ($95). So if you are considering this card, you need to be sure you will be accruing enough points to give you well over a $95 value. We put a lot of our everyday spending on this card, so we were able to use points for at least half of our nights on RT2018. You would have to do the math to find if it’s worth it for you 🙂
Lots O Points = free hotel stays! And free room upgrades with automatic gold status!
Just be sure you budget for your expenses and don’t spend more than you can pay off in full!!! (Which brings me to YNAB, but I digress…).
6. Beaver Creek, Colorado
That sky, though…
This place is gorgeous. We went in June, so we obviously didn’t get to see it in it’s “Winter Resort” state, but not much compares to summer in the mountains. It was one of my favorite places partly because…Mountains. And sunshine. And Colorado. And partly because Ryan and I got to go without our kiddos. Sometimes it’s fun to do things by yourselves, ya know?
We would absolutely go back with our kids. There was still a lot to do during the summer time, and it was so beautifully landscaped and maintained. I know they do that on purpose to make it seem as close to “perfect” as possible. But it was so clean and comfortable. And the summer is the off-season, so it’s less $$. Just a tip 😉
7. The Corner Room
The Corner Room are recording artists who put whole chunks of ESV scripture to music in a remarkable way. They have been around longer than this year, but I really just discovered them in 2018. Ryan and I both have come back to listening to them time and again. I listen to them several times a week, and I never get tired of it. They have two Psalms albums. The following song is from Psalms Volume 1, but Volume 2 is just as wonderful. I commend them to you! You listen to them on Spotify, and you can purchase their albums from their website here or from Amazon here for Volume 1 or here for Volume 2.
8. Knowing Faith
This is my top podcast find of 2018. Currently on the second “season,” Knowing Faith is a generously free resource of The Village Church. I listen to this as much as I can. While doing laundry, doing the dishes, driving. Ryan and I like to listen to it together when we drive longer distances (while the kids are listening to or watching something else on the VES system in our van). We love the discussions it births between the two of us. It is so thought-provoking and helpful. The episodes are between 30 minutes and an hour, and they announced that in 2019, they will release them weekly! Woot!
9. The West Wing
We don’t watch much network TV (except for Packers games, obviously…). But we do like to watch series’ on Hulu and/or Netflix. The better part of 2018, we spent as many evenings as we could snuggled up on the couch watching an episode of The West Wing. We watched it from beginning to end, and we were both so sad when it ended. I honestly think that watching this enhanced our trip to Washington D.C., and especially the White House (did I mention we went to the White House? I’ll get to that later…).
This show is superbly written, and I have been recommending it to everyone who asks for a new series to watch. I know it’s not real life, but I feel like I have a better grasp of politics because I have watched this. Definitely my favorite TV show of 2018, even though it was not actually from 2018 (haha).
10. Psalm 77
2018 held much discouragement and anxiety for my heart. Psalm 77 was a deep encouragement to me in many ways and many times this year. God is so faithful. He sustains and has redeemed His people. Hallelujah!
Psalm 77 I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago. I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.” Then my spirit made a diligent search: “Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah
Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled. The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side. The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook. Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
11. The Henry Ford
I’d love to tell you about that one time I spent two days in Detroit mostly solo with my three kids. We had a lots of adventures, and it was a (fun) trip! We did get some all-together family time, though, and the highlight was The Henry Ford. Worth every penny of the full-price admission. It’s like a mash-up of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum (Washington DC) and the Museum of Science and Industry (Chicago). This place rocks!!
We only did the actual museum part, not the outdoor village that they have. But it was fun for all five of us, and I’m still giddy about the math exhibit.
Math!
The Henry Ford is a must-do if you are in Detroit! They have the REAL ACTUAL Rosa Parks bus. I thought I saw this bus when we were in Memphis, but it turns out that was a replica. This is the real deal.
Other fun things to do in Detroit that are definitely worth a visit (especially if you are there with kids and need something to do inside!!): Michigan Science Center & GM Renaissance Center
12. The White House
Ok, let’s put our politics aside for a moment, shall we? I think we can all agree that the White House is a pretty awesome place, regardless of what you think about the current resident.
Crooked picture because the family that took our photo let their 10-year-old take the picture for us. I’m not bitter.
We were extremely grateful for the opportunity to tour the building as a family. We were told by many people inside and outside of DC that tour requests are granted so rarely that we should definitely not plan on it happening. Even Congressional staff interns were very surprised that we got a tour, and said they’ve still not even been approved for one themselves!
The Browns are in the building. Thankfully we didn’t break anything 😉
For those of you who may be interested in requesting this, you have to request the tour through a Congressional office. You can request it through one of your senators or through your representative. We chose the representative route, and we actually received a tour of the US Capitol given by one of our representative’s interns, which was also quite wonderful and included a visit to the in-session Senate Chamber. And (side note) our representative popped out of his office for a photo op…
Representative Kinzinger. It was nice of him to say hello and take a photo with us. Hopefully this will help our kids understand more about government as we continue to teach them. Faces to put with job titles are always helpful!
We requested our tours in February for a trip in July, just to give you some idea of the time frame. Again, we were told that it was highly unlikely that we would be approved for a White House tour, even with our request being made so far in advance. But, we were fortunate enough to be approved!
That is the White House! We are in front of the White House!
It was a challenge to get our family of five to the White House via Metro and still follow all of the security rules. I won’t bore you here with all of that. But, if you are in this situation, and have questions about this, please ask. I’d be happy to tell you what we did!
13. La Colombe Draft Latte
sweet, sweet cup of deliciousness
This is a Philadelphia find, thanks to our dear friends, the Tomkos. Words cannot adequately describe to you how much I love this beverage. It is milky, sweet, frothy, almost chocolatey, and of course coffee-y. My favorite way to enjoy it is with little sips on a hot, sunny, summer day, walking the streets of the city (any city will do). Even better if there is a little exploratory adventure thrown in there. Oh! Make sure they don’t put ice in it. Yuck! That was an unfortunate mishap.
For those who live near me, there are a few La Colombe shops in Chicago where you can indulge in this beautiful creation. You can also search their website for the location nearest to you: here.
Last but not least, it is no substitute for the real deal (trust me…totally different taste and experience), but the lovely Target carries these little bad boys. I may have consumed a few handfuls of these on our drive back home during Road Trip 2018 😉 Again…not the same by any means, but still a tasty treat.
La Colombe in a can. Thanks, Target!
To quickly round out 18 favorites in 2018, here are my last five. Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed my favorites. Let me know if you have any thoughts to add!
I recently took a month-long break from all social media. Well, it was 26 days to be exact. This was the the longest I’ve “fasted” from social media in over ten years. Basically since I first owned a smartphone.
I had begun to realize, more and more over the course of the past year, how the constant barrage of information, news, and other peoples’ personal lives was affecting me. I began to notice an association between my social media usage and my distractibility and attention deficit. I began to notice the effect it seemed to have on my mood and how I interacted in my “real life” interpersonal relationships. I didn’t like what I was seeing, but was finding it hard to figure out how to proceed.
Should I quit cold turkey and just never use it again? But it does have a benefit, right? Could I figure out a way to use it that maximizes its benefit, without the annoying negative effects? Is there even a benefit? What really are the benefits? What in particular are the annoying negative effects and how can I prevent them? So many questions.
So, I developed a plan. I decided the day before Election Day that I would give it up for the rest of the month–until December 1. I determined to take the rest of the month of November to see what I could learn about how my priorities, my productivity, my general attitude, and my social media usage interact. Like a little experiment of sorts. The rule was simple. No checking social media. For any reason. At all. For me, that really just means Facebook, because I am not on Twitter, Instagram, or any of the other sites. So there you have it. No Facebook for the rest of the month.
Today is December 4. I’m happy to say that I accomplished my goal. I did not check Facebook for the whole remainder of November.
I learned a lot. And as I add social media back into my life, I hope to be responsible and intentional, counting the cost of when and how I choose to use this tool. Because it is a tool. I want to use it the right way, not letting it have a higher place or priority than it deserves.
So, in a practical sense, here’s “how it went” for me:
I was insanely productive.
My house was cleaner. My meals were better-planned. My freezer was more fully stocked. I baked. I listened to podcasts. I read books. My homeschool was more focused. I honestly felt like I hadn’t been that productive since before we had kids. When I’m not on Facebook, I can use my time to do (LOTS of) other things. What other things might be more valuable to do with my time?
I had better focus.
This is likely one reason that I was so much more productive than usual. I was more present, because I was not distracted. I mean this in the obvious sense of not being distracted by scrolling through my news feed. But also in the less obvious sense of not being distracted by thinking about all of the issues that bombard me when I am on social media.
Facebook presents us with so much information. I often find myself thinking about someone else’s problem and trying to solve it. Or internally getting upset about an argument I saw other people having on a comment thread. This distraction is less visible, but, at least to me, much more damaging to my ability to focus. What is my consumption limit, and how do I make sure I do not cross it?
I was less irritable.
When there were less opportunities to be interrupted, there were less interruptions. Funny how that works. When I put my attention where it should be, there is so much less to be frustrated about. Priorities!!
I missed some things.
Actually I missed a lot of things. I realized more and more each day that I have been getting most of my news from Facebook. For better or worse, it’s a fact. I don’t listen to the radio in the car; I don’t watch the news on TV; I don’t check news sites; I don’t get the newspaper. So truly, if I don’t see it on Facebook or someone doesn’t specifically tell me, I don’t know it.
I found myself struggling with a little bit of FOMO. This only really happened when I found out some bit of news after the fact. I felt like I had missed out on knowing it sooner. So I guess it was more RTIMO (Regret That I Missed Out). This happened quite a few times. Quite a bit happened nationally in November, and I didn’t necessarily enjoy the feeling of ignorance that came over me when someone mentioned a national tragedy or natural disaster that I was unaware of.
But I did eventually find out. And really, the gap was only about a week, at most. So, going forward, I need to decide what level of discomfort I am comfortable with. When it comes to news, what do I really need to know? And when do I really need to know it?
I lost some opportunities.
What I found most difficult was the more immediate and local news and needs that I missed out on. Prayer requests. Needs shared in groups of friends that I could not help meet because I didn’t know about them. I found out about these all on December 1 when I logged in. Things had happened in the lives of my friends, and I didn’t help, because I didn’t know. This was hard to swallow.
I really want to find the balance. I want to be able to support those that I care about in ways that they need. But I also don’t want to waste my time and brain space with the other stuff–the memes; the complaining; the arguing; the fake news; and even the real news that I really just don’t need to consume. How can I avoid overwhelming consumption of social media, but still be able to serve and help meet the needs of those around me?
I meditated on Scripture.
This leads me to the verse that has been rattling around in my head for the past month. This sums up the results of my experiment pretty concisely.
1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Going forward, that is the lens I want to run things through. Does this particular (whatever it may be) usage of social media bring glory to God? If my actions are not done in a spirit of bringing glory to God, then in what spirit are they done? Are they self-serving? Are they feeding my flesh? Are they causing quarrels? Are they spreading false information? Are they causing my brothers and sisters to stumble? Scripture is clear. I should do all to the glory of God. This includes what I read, do, and say on social media.
I am so encouraged that God’s Word is living and active and speaks to the issues of our hearts always. Here’s where I can find the balance! I can ask God for wisdom and eyes to filter my social media usage through the lens of whether or not my purpose is for the glory of God. Honoring Him; serving others in His name; lifting others up in prayer; bringing hope to those around me with the good news of the gospel.
I hope my little social experiment and some of its findings have encouraged you. Perhaps you would like to do something similar, to find out for yourself how these things affect you. My prayer, as I move forward in using this tool to work for me (not the other way around!), is that we would not just blindly do what we do “just because,” but that we would all be intentional about how and why we do it. And that it would be, “all to the glory of God.”
Our kids can seem like little puzzles. There is always something to discover about them, adding pieces to the puzzle of who they are and who they may become. Sometimes, as an adoptive parent, I feel like I’m working on my puzzle without knowing what image I am aiming for. You know what I mean, right? The “answer key” of the puzzle–the picture that shows what you get when you’re all done.
It’s so nice when you have the puzzle box right there in front of you, and you prop it up on the side of the table while you work on your puzzle so you know what image you’re working towards. That is a helpful thing to have, that box.
But what if all we have is a bunch of pieces?
That complicates things a little. Ok…a lot.
We think we have all of the pieces. But can we be sure? We see lots of colors, perhaps some lines and squiggles, and maybe even get a few clues of what we think the picture will turn out to be. But truly all we can do is make a best guess. We have no image to look at, so we just take it piece by piece and try to do the best we can to figure it out as we go.
I often feel like I am working with a pile of pieces, trying to “figure my kids out.” Like I need to put the pieces together to find some answers. This is true of all of my kids, biological or not. But particularly as an adoptive parent, I struggle here. Not having all of the pieces of a child’s past–what they may be biologically predisposed to; how their brain was formed prenatally; what their life was like before they came to us; possible genetic personality traits–really tempts me to try to figure it all out on my own. But truly, when I try to figure it out on my own, not knowing what I am looking for or aiming at, I find myself with less answers and more questions. It’s these times that I need the reminder that I am looking at it all wrong.
The thing is, it doesn’t really matter what we start with. In terms of our “puzzle,” whether we start with all of the pieces in the box, complete with a picture on it, or whether we have a pile of pieces whose composition is a mystery, we are all working toward the same goal. It’s not what we start with or even what we have to work with; it’s what we are striving toward.
I need to remember to look up from the puzzle–the toil of cracking “the code” that is my children. Take my eyes off of all of the little things in the muddle of mothering these little ones that God has so graciously brought to me. Even the really challenging parts that make my head spin. Yes it is hard, but it is not impossible. When tempted to despair over not being able to figure out the puzzle, I need to fight to take my eyes off of the struggle. Look to Jesus.
Look. To. Jesus.
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. (Colossians 1:15-20)
In Him all things hold together. In everything, He is preeminent. What an image to behold!
This is such good news for us as parents. We can take our eyes off of the puzzling nature of what we have before us, stop looking inward for the ability to figure it all out, and look instead to the Creator God who made our children, our precious blessings. Our children are not a puzzle to God. Where we may see a lot of pieces, He sees the big picture. He knows every piece and part of them, and we can rest in Him to provide us with His sustaining grace and wisdom in parenting His created ones.
When we remember that He is the one who holds all things together; that all things were created through Him and for Him; when we keep our eyes fixed on the Lord with an eternal perspective, we are looking in the right direction. He is the image we must look toward. We need not figure it out on our own. The Lord will give us what we need to complete our puzzle, to parent our children for His glory.
“He [Jesus] is like the missing piece in a puzzle — the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.” – Sally Lloyd-Jones in The Jesus Storybook Bible
Not surprisingly, it’s been a while since my last post. What can I say? Life got in the way. And this post will be off-topic of the main purpose of my blog. It’s not about adoption or mom-ing in “the muddle.” But I felt compelled to process through some emotions, and this seems like a good place to do it. So you are along for the ride.
It goes without saying that yesterday was a significant day of remembrance in our country and our world. Except it apparently did need to go “with saying” for me. I guess I blocked it out of my memory or something, because I made it until the opening prayer at my son’s cross country meet at 4:15pm before I really noticed. “Let’s have a moment of silence for September 11, 2001.” Yes. Let’s…
I felt like such an insensitive and self-centered dummy that I made it through my entire day–wake up, quiet time, morning routine, CC Community Day, resting time, and cross country meet prep–without a second thought to what day it was. Of course I knew the date. It rang in my head. “Oh, it’s 9/11.” But I confess that I quickly brushed it off. No time to feel right now; maybe later. A privilege that thousands of people do not have on this day or any other day for that matter. Thousands of lives and a previous way of life that is lost forever. Forgive me for my callousness.
But today, I am feeling.
Grief is a weird animal. And though I don’t have any specific people to grieve on this day, I do still grieve this day. I grieve all of it. As I’m sure you do. Every year, it presents itself differently. This year, I apparently tried to stuff it. But we all know that never works.
Today, it is hitting me.
My eight year old asked me this morning what the date was yesterday. He wanted to write it on his race bib as a memento. “September 11,” I said, realizing again that it really was “that day” yesterday. “Oh wow! Like September 11, 2001…” He said slowly. He knows. He knows the significance of the date. He knows because we have taught him. Yet, he doesn’t experience it the way we do–those of us who lived through it. The weight of it hit me, and as he scurried off to record the date as planned, I stood at the sink and remembered. I couldn’t stop remembering, and I didn’t want to stop remembering. I never want to stop remembering.
I want to remember what happened. Where I was. How I felt. I wish I could know and remember every name. It was a horrible day that changed so much of life as we all knew it. It was unthinkable. But now, the effects of that day have become a part of every day life, and we perhaps think about it daily without really even acknowledging it. The post-9/11 life is “normal” life now.
But I also want to remember what it was like before. In thinking this morning, I was taken aback that it has been 17 years since the attack. I was 17 on the day of the attack. So, this year marks the point where the “after” has been as long as it was “before.”
A friend of mine reflected today that our generation has a unique way of thinking of the span of our lives as “before 9/11” and “after 9/11.” We were old enough then to remember very clearly what life was like “before.” And we vividly remember the day. But our entire adult lives have been in the “after.” From here on out, I will know the majority of my life as “after,” which is a weird feeling. I think it feels so weird because I still remember the “before.” My children, who have only ever known life as it is now–with 9/11 as a historical event that they can only read about–don’t have this as a defining event in their world in the same way that it is a defining event for the rest of us.
So much has happened in life since September 11, 2001. But on days like yesterday and today, it seems like it just happened. I know we all have our own experiences of where we were and what we were doing. And the emotions of that day are almost palpable. As I work through the emotions of today and continue to process, I think back to the uncertainty and fear we all felt on that day. And I thank God for being the true Solid Rock on which we stand. He is unchanging and unshakable. I think of Psalm 91 and the hope that it gives.
As you read, I pray that these will be words of Life to you. That they will bring comfort to your grieving and remembering. And hope to your future, which may be uncertain to you but is secure in the shelter of the Most High God. Yes, we must always remember. But may we hold fast to Him in love, and rest in His protective hand for all of our days to come.
Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. Being a parent is a wonderful and beautiful gift. And being a parent is hard. It is a blessing. But it can be a hard blessing. Parenting a child from a hard place can sometimes be HARD (with all caps). But I think that just means it has the potential to be equally a BLESSING (with all caps). We are challenged and we grow through those challenges. We become more compassionate, softer, gentler. God uses these hard things to produce His fruit in us. What a privilege.
I know we all want the best for our kids. We want them to thrive! We want to give them everything they need, and then some. We would give them the moon if we could! We want to meet their physical and emotional needs, but we also long to shepherd them spiritually, leading them to the Savior.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 4)
Well, lately, I have been feeling particularly discouraged with my ability to meet the needs of my kids. Discerning needs and knowing how to adequately shepherd a child can be so daunting sometimes. Sometimes it is easy (hallelujah!). When a child is hungry, feed him. That’s an easy one.
But when a child is having a meltdown tantrum, things can get dicey. The task of figuring out what they need and how to help them can be so. stinking. hard. Is it just because he is not getting what he wants? Is she struggling to process emotions and this is how it is all coming out? Do I discipline or do I nurture through this? Where is the instruction book?! Add in layers of trauma, loss, and a less than ideal prenatal and/or postnatal environment for our adopted kiddos, and you can add more layers of confusion and “what if’s” and “what now’s.”
This is where I am convicted. In conversations with friends, I have said that I don’t want to be just chasing rainbows, looking for the “next best thing” to help solve this or that problem. Yes, we have sleep issues in our house. Yes, we have sensory disorders. Yes, we have emotional delays. Yes, we have dysregulated emotions. Yes, we likely have a handful of diagnoses that have been overlooked. These are all things that can be addressed. And I long to meet the needs that I am able to, in my imperfect, human abilities. But there is no cure-all apart from Christ.
I have felt how these thoughts and concerns (dare I say anxieties?) can consume me in ways that take focus off of God’s Lordship and Power and Sufficiency, and putting it smack onto myself and my own (in)abilities. My sinful flesh deludes me into thinking that I can solve these “issues” in my own strength. What a lie that is!
This is where I need to check myself. We need to check ourselves. Are we seeking the Lord about what to address and when to address it? Or are we just chasing rainbows, trying to solve all of our world’s problems in one fell swoop?
The past several weeks, I have often found myself asking God for wisdom. I want to help. I want to “fix” her world so that she doesn’t have to face these challenges! These challenges that are not even her fault, but are part of her story. And part of my story, because she is mine.
But is what I am seeing a result of the challenges? Or a result of her (and my!) fallen, sinful nature? I can go around and around all day long and chase my proverbial tail trying to “figure it all out” in my own strength. For all the asking I do for God’s wisdom, I sometimes feel like I’m missing the mark. I know in Whom I have hope, and I know that He will give wisdom when I ask. It says in James 1:5, …
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach.
Clinging to this promise, I have asked many times, “Why do I still feel wisdom-less? Why can I not find the ‘answer’ to help solve this problem?!” This is such a discouraging place to be.
But, God.
A few weeks ago, a guest preacher spoke at our church. He came all the way from New Jersey to bring a message on 1 Kings 19. Guys, guess what 1 Kings 19 is about. It is about Elijah laying under a shade tree in his discouragement, and God sending an angel to sustain him in his weakness.
1 Kings 19: 5-8
But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O LORD …” … And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.
It is about Elijah being discouraged and hearing God answer not in a strong wind, not in an earthquake, not in a fire, but in a whisper.
And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.
I felt like this message was God’s whisper to me. I had been pleading for wisdom and answers and solutions, and “hearing” none. I was looking for the obvious earthquake of an answer. But in this whisper, through the encouragement God gave to Elijah in his valley of discouragement, it was as though God was asking me to rest in Him. This is the journey He has for me. He will provide what I need for the journey. As I rest, He will bring the cakes.
What if it doesn’t ever get any easier? God never promises that He will give us solutions to our problems tied up all neatly with a bow. What if this is exactly where God wants me? What if this is what God has for me? For us? For you? What if our kids will always have these needs and we will always be tempted to chase after rainbows for them? Of course we want what is best for them and we want to help them when we can. But are we trying to force God’s hand to give answers on our timeline? Or are we willing to rest, waiting on God to provide the right answers at the right time? Are we willing to be faithful to patiently, gently, mercifully love our kids through their hardships while listening for the whisper when it comes?
I was challenged in a conversation I had with a good friend recently. We were talking through this scenario, of struggling through this asking and waiting and the hard days that sometimes come in the meantime. And she encouraged me to “suffer well.” If God has ordained this road for me to walk (and if I believe what the Bible says, then I believe He HAS ordained each of my days!), then how can we suffer well?
Is God still good if it never gets easier? Does God still get the glory even in our difficult days? Of course He is and of course He does. How can I follow the instruction of 1 Corinthians 10:31?
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
When we acknowledge our kids’ hard needs, and that we truly cannot meet those needs apart from Christ’s saving work on the cross, we can rest in the sovereign and sustaining hand of God, knowing that He will provide strength and wisdom for the journey. He will equip us by His hand. And He will get the glory in our weakness. We must not delude ourselves into thinking that we are the answer. That our challenges are somehow beyond the scope of God’s sovereign hand. He is able! He is holy and loving and good. He cares for us!
Let us follow the advice of Hebrews 12:1-2. Put off our sinful rainbow-chasing, and fix our eyes on Jesus who alone is able. May our thoughts be consumed by thoughts of Him rather than thoughts of ourselves. He will empower us for this race that he has set before us!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
For further reading surrounding these topics, here are A couple great resources by David Powlison from “Resources for Changing Lives”:
…on Worry.
…on Stress.
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